watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When are your genitals available?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
