I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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