So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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