i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
