This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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