So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
