it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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