I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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