What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
