Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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