My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
