I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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