My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I believe in your delicious
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
