Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
