everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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