That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
