he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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