I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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