i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
