I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
