she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
