my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
