Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You are a genius and a whore.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
