Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
