Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
