Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
