# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
