You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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