I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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