he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
