At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
