It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
