we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
