Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
