i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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