I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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