btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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