U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
