New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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