She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
