I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
