so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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