your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
