Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
