Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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