First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
