Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
