I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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