You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
