too bad you live with your parents still
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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