You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
