Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
