You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
