we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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